Welcome to Smithfield
by metheperson7
Summary: A nightvale parody about my town Smithfield!
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome To Smithfield**

**This is a parody of Welcome to night vale based on actual events in my hometown. I changed the names of people for privacy reasons so yeah! Sorry its not much like night vale I'm trying to make it factual and fit for my town.**

A quiet little suburban town where door-to-door salespeople pass by as we all pretend not to exist.

Welcome to Smithfield

Gallagher Middle School's social hierarchy has in a subtle an indirect way making them seem like very nice people told us to remind everyone that if they try to threaten their position, in any way they will face severe social consequences. Also that they can get away with whatever they want so stop complaining!

Our local physic who acclaims her powers to be from her magical brown hair with purple tips reported having a disturbing vision in the form of a dream when questioned further her eyes briefly shifted to Adrian before she claimed that it was on a need to know basis.

Rachel Carlsberg; oh how I hate that Rachel Carlsberg, has sent in a complaint to the school board stating that Ms. McGrund is unfair she accused her of assigning too much homework, not giving us enough time to prepare for a quiz… let me stop you right their Rachel of course Ms. McGrund is horrible its her job to provide a common enemy to all students who else will we gossip about and use our creative fat jokes against. Rachel you need to stop complaining about your horrible teachers some kids are suck with all awesome teachers and would love to have a common enemy.

Luke Davis has self-acclaimed to have awesome hair an anonymous witness has seconded his statement but not in front of him never anywhere near him in fact if she ever finds this she'll probably kill me for typing this no matter how anonymously it is!

I am looking through my newly acquired yearbook at the wonderful things that peers of mine that do not exist have not written

"Hags"

-Pocaontis

"Wow we all still fit in the same room as Ms. McGrund"

-Peggy

"Wow ill catch up to you in high school in a couple of decades"

-Percival

"…. ._ _ _. … Ha you said don't just put hags but I did in Morse code sucker"

-Primrose

And now for the whether

(insert crappy music here)

This just in I have received word from an inside source that a bunch of girls wore flower crowns upon their heads today they were made by a friend who is highly intelligent. They are planning on wearing them to the end of the year dance on Friday I have also been informed that I was amongst the flower wearers earlier today with a purple flower crown upon my head. A blond witness has described it as making me look Greek, I am Greek so I assume that is a good thing.

Now lets have a look at this week's hash-tag community calendar

sunday-#selfisunday

Monday-#youknowwhatletsjustforgetaboutMonday

Tuesday-#Transformationtuseday

Wednesday-#OnWednesdaywewearpink

Thursday-#whycantitbeFriday

Friday-#nobodymadeittofridayweallcommitedsuicidebeforwecouldgettheir

Saturday-#solitudesaturday

A brief reminder that this is Smithfield and In this town there is no faceless

old women who lives in your house we whoever we might be are sincerely sorry for the inconvenience

And now, Traffic.

Police reprasentatives have _not_ just issued a statement claiming that there are no cars anywhere and "what are you doing talking about them, talking silly lies, you silly people, there are no cars!" because that's not what happens in Smithfield.

Now don't stay tuned for a dog sniffing a carrot. Goodnight Smithfield goodnight.


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N. so I wasn't planning on adding another chapter but there was a lot of shit going on today and I just had to!**

Silence is golden. Words are vibrations. Thoughts are magic.

Welcome to Smithfield

The GMS semi formal will take place this Friday (tomorrow) and your wonderful fan fiction author has created some pre dance tips the three A's

Avoid-avoid your friends, especially the blond one with the penguin obsession, they will force upon your face and hair horrible beauty products that they will apply using monstrous tools such as hair straighteners, and eyelash curlers.

Act- act as if you are applying makeup and not in anyway planning on going without anything on your face.

Attic-hide in your attic, I repeat hide in your attic, the blond one is coming and she has pink nail polish!

So their you have it the three a's avoid, act and attic

Their was a huge fight at lunchtime today and intern Katie has informed me that scat was throwing food at Sera and when she went to tell him to stop her fiend Veronicas threw water at him and he thought it was Sera who did it so he shoved her and then some colorful words were thrown around and somewhere in the middle of the fight Jacob Radian threw coffee everywhere and it got on many peoples books and binders. We are not sure on the reliability of this information many witnesses claim to have been right there but to not know what happened.

8th graders have launched bottle rockets during their science classes. One bottle rocket resembled a minion from despicable me. The rocket has been described as adorable and several people have said things along the lines of "I wish it were mine." and "why didn't I think of that?"

In more important news Vector is going to the dance with Caitlin.

And now for the weather

(Insert crappy music here)

The Smithfield police department has not just issued a statement about guns they did not just say

"Guns don't kill people blood loss and organ damage do."

They also did not say

"Guns don't kill people! It's impossible to be killed by a gun; we are all invincible to bullets, and it's a miracle!" they did not say these things because that's not what police say in Smithfield.

And now for traffic

Cars, trucks, highways, sighns, roads, mysteriouse white vans, traffic is for cheesecakes.

Several phone calls have been made asking us if our town has a mysterious and threatening dog park the answer is no; but we do have a dark and sinister place called Esmond. We have recently discovered that Esmond was not originally intended for drugs, smoking, littering, loitering, theft, gangs or violence although the original intentions are still unclear seeing as nobody is willing to do anymore research on such a boring topic.

D.J.A.B. a teenage DJ wannabe has already mentally filed his complaints about the schools DJ for the dance on Friday the thirteenth thank you D.J.A.B. for those negative envious thoughts they are greatly appreciated by nobody!

Night has not yet arrived children, but I am out of ideas so goodnight Smithfield Goodnight.

**A.N. so did you like it? Also dose anyone have more details on the whole fight at lunch.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N: This chapter/episode will be a bit longer because of all that's been happening recently!**

The crossing guard in front of the school is directing traffic. She's not coding an urgent message to all of us.

Welcome to Smithfield

The eighth grade dance was a huge success despite minor jealousy drama and not quite enough clothing on certain people. Everyone had fun even the people who normally sit out for dances. The dance seemed to fly by and when they played the Mickey Mouse goodbye song and we all left our last GMS dance for the last time I'm sure we all felt the same twinge of sadness and remorse.

For most of us that feeling was hidden beneath our adrenalin and excitement that the evening was not yet over and many people had plans after the dance including getting fro-yo and ice cream and attending sleepovers.

Last night twelve acres hosted the annual GMS sports banquet. Despite being the shortest banquet we have ever had it was still described by my father as being long, and boring except the part about me. Also he added

"They had crappy food crappy food."

Attention Smithfield residents particularly GMS students and staff we would like to inform you that their was no secret party during lunch today and if their was we would not have cookies, calzone, cupcakes without eggs, rainbow cupcakes or brownies and we would not drink a red substance that may or may not have been blood, we may or may not be vampires if we are vampires we may or may not sparkle if we did sparkle we may or may not sleep with humans.

On the Emerald team today Ms. Behringer shared a movie including al l the students and events we experienced this year. Some people were crying during the movie.

Now for an editorial

Seeing the movie our Ms. Behringer made for us made me realize just how much I love everyone in the school even Rachel Carlsberg. I will miss everyone going to different high schools. Some guys are total jerks many girls are total bitches but if those complete assholes left my life I would truly miss their unending awful bitching. Some people are painfully quiet but their silent presence makes our lives better in ways I do not know I just know that that our lives are better because of them for unknown reasons. These are just some examples of the imperfect people that make up my perfect utopia, Smithfield.

With all the unique people I think Smithfield is truly the one perfect place with the perfect blend of people. The disk we received today barley scratched the surface of everything that happened this year, the rest of it is buried within our memories and those are the things that truly matter not all of them good but definitely far from being all bad they make up who we are, this town makes up who we are and although our lives would make one hell of a reality show their soo much more than that because their our reality.

Now for the weather

(insert crappy music right here bro)

Now for our end of school special and yes that is a thing now because I just said so I will be giving overall reviews of the Emerald team teachers and Mrs Mcurdis

Ms. Behringer-According to me she is the best teacher ever to exist! She wasn't one of those teachers who let the poplars' get away with everything and she treated us like humans not machines made to learn, study and do HW.

Mrs. Mcurdis-According to our favorite intern Katie Preziuso she is awesome, funny, cool, and laid back she is Katie's favorite teacher.

Mrs. McGrund- Inside source Milly gave the one word response:

"Odd" she then confirmed her answer by saying "that's it" next she proceeded to exit the brief conversation by saying "Gtg soccer"

Mrs. Drainwater-According to Piperlos she is

"Literally a five headed dragon who cares" of course she is not a real five headed dragon, go check Esmond if you're looking for one you're probably already their and your probably already quite high!

Mrs. Ramen-I didn't get a response for this one…

So in my opinion she was a great teacher. She was very nice!

**Well Smithfield it is now 6:25 and light is fading from one end of the sky and preparing to burst fourth from the other goodnight Smithfield goodnight!**


End file.
